i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
