My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
