My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
