It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
