mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize