i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
