is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
