it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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