We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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