He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do vagina's smell?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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