dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
