We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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