you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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