Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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