yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
