Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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