Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
