all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
