You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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