I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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