I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
