I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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