Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i now understand why vodka
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
