had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
