So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
