Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize