and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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