Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
