Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
