Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
