well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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