I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
