He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
