Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The Olympian is in my bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
