you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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