Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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