so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
