just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize