those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize