i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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