i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize