I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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