even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
