Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
