I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
