I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
