did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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