If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize