Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
