I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
