All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
