Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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