okay pat passed out under dana's car
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
