I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize