planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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