not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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