If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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