Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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