He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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