it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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