I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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