physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Michael Bay diarrhea
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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