you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
