Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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