why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
