Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I deserve this hangover.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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