Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
