I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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