The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
