Sry I called you an 8
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize