I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
