I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
